You can transform any relationship by you being different . . .
Attitude Triumphs Over Outcome
People can get discouraged easily. We want something badly, and when we can't seem to get it we can lose hope. But the world is changing every day. You are changing every day. There is no way to predict exactly what will happen or when it will happen. What you can do is continue. Continue being someone who contributes to others' happiness. Continue being someone who sees the good around you. Continue being someone who would offer love, affection, and support to the right partner." David Niven
Coming on your own for Relationship Counseling:
A common problem I have encountered as a therapist is when one member of a marriage or relationship wants couples therapy, but the other member is not interested. This often seems like a hopeless situation to a potential client. I want to emphasize that there is actually quite a lot that can be done for the relationship, even if only one member of the couple wants therapy. It takes two healthy individuals to make a healthy couple; but the good news is, the stronger and wiser and more skilled any one member of the couple becomes, the more it will feed back into the relationship as a whole. As you communicate better, set better boundaries, understand and express your feelings and needs more strongly and clearly, your partner will inevitably have to deal with the new you.
Because the forces and dynamics in a couple relationship continually circulate between the two partners, your own health and strength will improve the relationship.
Coming on your own to treatment, you can learn how to find and stay in your own grounded, calm emotional center; you can learn to respond to your partner instead of reacting; you can learn how to communicate with your parnter in a healthy and productive way; and you can can learn how to gently but firmly, and persistently, share your needs. Over time, your parenter will have to resond to this new person they are dealing with. Either they will respond in a healthy and positive way, or they will double-down on the old dysfunctions and try to pull you back in. Either way, you will be gaining the clarity you need to know how to go forward.
I have seen a positive outcome of this process many times over the years, and so I want to hold out the hope and opportunity for anyone who wants specific help for their relationship, but who has a parter who can't or won't come into the therapy process with you. Please feel free to write or call me for more information on how relationship counseling can help you; I would be happy to talk with you about your situation, and how you might go forward.
Don't be discouraged; there is couples counseling help for you, even if you come in on your own.
"At a certain monastery, the monks noticed that one of the brothers was stealing from the others. As everyone had so little already, they went to the head of the temple and told him of the incident. The abbot told his monks, 'Look what this brother has done to your hearts. He's stolen from you because he doesn't know the difference between right and wrong. But you, my monks, the ones who have cleansed and purified yourselves all these years, come to me with hearts full of anger at the injustice you've witnessed. If he weren't here, we would have to look for him and beg him to be a part of this monastery, for he's uncovered something in you that has long been hidden. Go now and release your anger into the acceptance of all beings." The Zen Book
Check out this important article from GoodTherapy.org:
When Your Partner Won’t Come to Couples Therapy
September 14, 2015 • By Ruth Jampol, PhD, Couples and Marriage Counseling Topic Expert Contributor
Dr. Jampol writes, "Perhaps you and your partner have been fighting for years, going round and round about the same issues. Or possibly you have retreated into icy silence, not even bothering to fight anymore. Or maybe you just feel like you’ve lost the sense of connection with your partner: these days you only talk about who is driving to soccer games or picking up groceries.
Whatever the scenario, you have reached the point where it feels like your relationship is on life support and you don’t know how to fix it, so you suggest the two of you go to therapy. And your partner says no."
Check out the full article at: